Wednesday, July 22, 2009

no words.

Have you ever just had that feeling, the feeling that something is just...WRONG, but you can’t figure out what it is until BAM it hits you in the face? Well it sure did for me this morning. Typical day, wake up, made supper, Jon went to work, watched some TV, cleaned up the kitchen, talked with my sister on the phone, packed up and came into work for the night shift.

This morning was a hard one. Death-I would defiantly want to know what actually goes though someone’s mind as they kill another human being. Is it something that people are born with, or something they learn, or is it something they are lacking? I was watching the news last night and they said that they found and confirmed the remains of the little girl from Ontario. Why does someone kill? Joy? Pleasure? Fear? Excitement? Attention? Uncertainty? The sad part is that most of the time the people committing the crime never really understand the pain they cause. They get to live on and be, but the person they took that away from will never be able to.The experiences out here have been pretty intense. It’s hard to really explain it to people because at the end of the day it’s just like reading a book, unless you see the situation or feel it, its just imaginary. It was the same for me; I was blind to so many things. ‘It only happens on the news’. Wake up and smell the coffee people!

This morning was the first time I looked at one of those people in the face, in the eyes, I could see straight though them. It’s scary when you don’t see any emotion, no sympathy, no remorse, no care, no love, no fear, no joy, and no pain. Just a lifeless human being, full of nothing. I understand in this career you see many people who have done a lot of bad things; maybe I was just naive enough to think that those things just happen on TV or in a book.

This past week has been a really long, hard and very stressful week for both Jon and myself. I have to thank my sister for helping me stay grounded and patient. For holding my hand and helping me though. God Bless you Tina. I don’t say it enough, you truly are a blessing and I am proud to have a sister like you. Jon and I and heading to Regina this upcoming weekend. This trip came at the perfect time. We both need to get out and have some fun!

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